What is a “Ridiculously Close Look”?

Starting today, I’m offering to take a “Ridiculously Close Look” at your work to help you hone your craft! But what does that MEAN?

A lot of writing craft discussions use the terminology developed for English classes. These terms are useful, but can be frustrating because they often describe a feeling or vibe you might get from a text without necessarily digging into precisely how those vibes are created.

My focus in a Ridiculously Close Look is on word choice, phrasing, and patterns of metaphor and repetition. They are simple tools, but incredibly powerful.

One of the nice things about real human discourse, i.e. the way people talk under normal circumstances, is that people can't stop representing their social identities as they speak. They often take stances that influence that representation one way or another, but you can take almost any sample of recorded speech and pull social meanings out of it.

The same is true of writing. A character’s point of view will show them speaking and acting in accordance with their histories, their culture and their language background. It will express their attitude and their sense of social and physical place. Details of all of these things will resonate in their words.

So what I'm going to do here is take a sample of a character's point of view and tell you why I think it works the way it does. In ridiculously close detail.

Let's take a look at the character of Phèdre no Delaunay, from Jacqueline Carey's novel Kushiel's Dart. What’s so much fun about this one is just how much you can learn from a SINGLE SENTENCE.

"Lest anyone should suppose that I am a cuckoo's child, got on the wrong side of a blanket by lusty peasant stock and sold into indenture in a shortfallen season, I may say that I am House-born and reared in the Night Court proper, for all the good it did me."

This is awesome multi-layering. It's effectively a statement saying "This is who I am." Not much, right? But it's so much more.

First word: "Lest". This already places us in a particular type of environment, with historical/classic overtones. Add to this the use of "got" for "conceived," and the appearance of the words "peasant," and "shortfallen season." These are uses of dialect to place the protagonist in a historical setting, specifically one where there there are peasants working the land. That's pretty precise already, for never having said anything explicitly about the historical time period. These dialectal words also place the protagonist as a member of the culture in this time period, as opposed to someone observing it from the outside. Maybe even implies that she's a bit earthy, to be talking about the circumstances of her conception with such gusto. (Earthy doesn't begin to describe it, of course.)

Next: "cuckoo's child." This phrase places us pretty solidly on earth, because though there might be birds roughly translatable as cuckoos elsewhere, the metaphor drawn from the way the cuckoo places its egg in another bird's nest is uniquely earthly, and also historical. (As is the associated "cuckold.")

Next: "House-born." The idea of a great House is one that many people are familiar with, and it has appeared in many SF/F contexts, but it does reliably suggest nobility of some kind (an unusual kind, in this case), a keen sense of pride in breeding in the protagonist, and the importance of lineage in the culture surrounding her. Since the association with nobility is so strong, Carey does well to follow this with:

"and reared in the Night Court proper." This phrase immediately answers the question of what kind of nobility we're looking at - her choice to use the word "the" suggests that the Night Court is both unique and well-known to our protagonist, while the word "Night" rouses curiosity. What could the Night Court be? How can I find out? (Keep reading, of course.) Establishing curiosity is one of the most important things an author can do in the first paragraph of a book.

Okay, so far so good. Let's look at some of the larger constructions in the sentence.

"Lest anyone should suppose..." For this one I'm less concerned with "lest" and much more with "suppose." To use a phrasing like this implies that whoever this protagonist is, there is a distinct possibility that someone actually might suppose that she's "a cuckoo's child." Otherwise, she wouldn't even mention it. Funny how the denial of a thing admits that it is a possibility.

Next: "sold into indenture" If this phrase were less specific, we might be inclined to think that something bad happened to Phedre but that we're looking at a metaphor for her unfortunate status. But "sold into indenture" is so specific that I think we can reasonably assume from this alone that she actually has been sold into indenture. Another big source of curiosity, at least for me. I shake my head and say, "She got sold into indenture? How?" And I keep turning pages.

Finally (but not exhaustively!): "for all the good it did me." Love this. It says "I have good breeding and noble upbringing but despite this I'm in big trouble." And what is more compelling than an interesting (not to mention attractive), well-grounded protagonist in trouble?

So in one single sentence Carey has given us:
1. historical setting
2. culture of protagonist
3. attitude of protagonist toward: nobility, breeding, sex, servitude
4. current employment of protagonist
5. sense of urgency (being in trouble)
6. curiosity, curiosity, curiosity

I am offering this service at US$10 or AUD$15 per 100 words up to a maximum of 500 words.

To request a Ridiculously Close Look, go to my services page, here, and fill out the form at the bottom of the page.

To see more examples of Ridiculously Close Looks, including Kij Johnson, Ursula K. Le Guin, and Mary Pope Osborne, go here.